Under the folding branches.

There I knew you once, didn't I?
And the sound of that music travelled
to me from that orphan sky
and pulled it all in my vault

Love hide me away
deep in this town and canopy of snow
Go, spin me around under the folding branches
Now, is not too late,
heaven can wait another year or so

Thought I loved you once, didn’t I?
But I wanted the fame, didn’t I?
Thought it broke your heart, didn’t I?
But that face in the dark wasn’t mine

This song by the Veils is so beautiful and nostalgic. It's about remembering a feeling-- maybe because a place holds a memory, more vivid than any picture in your mind. It's about seeing that person, they may have known each other so well that their souls aligned but then: no longer. It's weird how you can know every part of a person and then time passes by and not even know who their friends are or how their family is doing.
Being back in that moment, he recalls the music because he's saved it in his heart. Like a treasure or precious memory that can never be erased. It's that special song, no matter where you are or what you're doing- you think of that person. It's like a weird deja vu feeling of loving and losing. Of believing and betrayal. How you can have so much hope in a person and then realize you've put it in an illusion you can't even feel anymore.
But you did once- and that feeling, though dead, can come alive again. Like some hidden vault inside your heart. The memories, locked there safely and the more time that goes by the less you remember. Less reminds you of the moments.
Then he is back. Under the folding branches. it's like forgetting and remembering all again. Scenes of love flooding your mind and being swept back up into the wind.
The moment is over. but sometimes he wishes God can bring it back to you. When he's there, under the folding branches, he knows the feelings about to fade. he knows he wants it back and wishes he stayed. Wishes he tried. Wishes the branches wouldn't fold on the love he can barely remember any longer.
Then the truth:
He wasn't sure. He thought he loved-- but was never sure. Wanted the fame of love but never the real and true love. And now he's caught in a feeling. But love's not a feeling, and people they move on. and if all he really wanted was the idea, then it was never home to him.
And he didn't deserve it anyway-- all he deserves is to sit under the branches and try to remember the feeling, that will vanish and leave him empty and alone.
Because the feeling fades. But the hope remains.

A love type thing, A sure type thing.

"That can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love."

I don't usually learn a life lesson based on anything Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen do, but this line from It Takes Two has really taught me something about myself and opened my eyes to the importance of expectations and not giving up on Love.

I have to admit, I'm not a baseball person. The thought of there being 9 segments of play-time in one game kind of freaks me out in itself, let alone the mere fact that 50-year-old, balding, beer-bellying men are able to participate in this "sport" is beyond me. So I guess it should flow naturally that I've never experienced that world-series love feeling. Trust me, I've had my fair share of guys striking out and fouling ball-ing in my past. And definitely a few tobacco-chewing jerks leaving a bad taste in my mouth-- not the best analogy, but the thought of tobacco does evoke certain un-friendly emotions haha :)

I guess it's safe to say no home-runs in this outfield. Only half-love, kind of like, "have feelings for" boys playing with my emotions, not man enough to hit the ball, bite the bullet and commit to something that could be extraordinary. A whole bunch of nothings, strung into something that looking back, sometimes I regret starting at all.

But then again, I don't. Because as cliche as it sounds, when I do experience the Over the fence kind of love, I'll know it's real and something worth hanging onto. The Can't eat, can't sleep feeling will be a good and true thing that I have been waiting for-- instead of a sinking feeling in my stomach over another un-worthy batter... not willing to put it all out on the line.

So until then, I'll let the Big Umpire upstairs guide my life and guard my heart as I watch this game unfold. Minus the peanuts and Cracker Jack-- Bring on the Dodger Dogs!-- And give some to my friends Mary-Kate and Ashley. They taught me about love and I will enlighten them about a little thing I like to call FOOD.

Wishing old Wishes.

Hey baby, is that you
Wow, your hair got so long
Yeah, yeah I love it, I really do
“Norma Jean,” ain’t that the song we’d sing
In the car driving downtown
Top down, making the rounds
Checking out the bands on Doheny Avenue

Yeah, life throws you curves
But you learned to swerve
Me, I swung and I missed
And the next thing you know, I’m reminiscing
Dreaming old dreams
Wishing old wishes
Like you would be back again


I wake up in teardrops that fall down like rain
I put on that old song we danced to and then
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed
Punch the clock, head for home, check the phone just in case
Go to bed, dream of you
That’s what I’m doing these days
Yeah, that’s what I’m doing



I never liked country music too much. But Rascal Flatts can portray an emotion more fully than any band I know.

Sometimes I feel as if the best times have past by. Like I want to go back to that moment, turn on that old song we danced to again. But, now I've learned it's not that easy, in fact frankly-- it's wrong. and I'm moving on.

But sometimes, I see something and instantly I'm reminded of him-- or it literally is about him. Like meeting his neighbor in my college class of 150? Or how about the fact that I am AT the American Idol finale and I think about him because of the fact that Jason Castro acts EXACTLY like he would. It's weird, but at the same time-- most times I'm really happy and enjoying life,

BAM something happens... and it hurts, a lot. I have so many dreams and wishes developing but that past, unfortunate past always comes back, sometimes to overshadow the good. Sometimes I regret it-- but I'm learning what God wants to teach me through it, and what's right in His will.

That sometimes just kills it. And the next time he sees me, I hope he loves how long my hair got and feels this song for me.

results of static cling...

If I could summarize my Freshman year of college- it would be through this song.

Calm down, deep breaths. And get yourself dressed
Instead of running around. And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.

And everything, will be fine.

All the details in the fabric
All the things that make you panic
All your thoughts, results of static cling

All the things that make you blow
Ain't no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked,It's just the fault of faulty manufacturing
Everything, will be fine
Everything, in time
Everything...


All in all, this year has been such a growing experience for me. It's been a time for me to really discover "my own name" and "go my own way". And I am so thankful to God for that. I need to keep striving for God's will in becoming the woman he has planned for me to be. To face the broken things in my life, move on-- turn them to Him.
And live in every moment that I believe to be in His will.

That's the real way to live. Knowing everything will be fine, in time.

His time.

In my place.

"'You are in a melancholy humour and fancy that anyone unlike yourself must be happy. But remember that the pain of parting from friends will be felt by everybody at times, whatever be their education or state. Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience; or give it a more fascinating name: call it hope.'"- Marianne Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility.

Oh Jane, why must you be so insightful in all things pertaining to my life?
This year can be summarized by this statement. It was definitely hard. And for some reason, it's so much easier to remember the hard times than the truly great times that I did have.
I definitely felt like everyone but myself was happy.
I definitely felt a deep pain from parting from friends. Some, I knew would always be there for me, no matter what, even if we don't keep in touch as often as we'd like. I know those few will always be my friends and that our friendship can pick up right where it was started.
Other friendships really did suffer from me being here. And it hurts, especially when those you've invested and spent so much time building on during the past four, five, or eight years and it seems just, gone.
USC is not really a thousand miles away-- it's about 20 minutes with no traffic (taking the Fig shortcut). And yet, some friendships from home just died and sometimes I wonder why and even though I really try to continue the friendsihps and call whenever I'm home. It's as if some people have "just parted". Not because of distance in miles, but distance in heart.
Even though this caused me pain, I have learned my own happiness.
Being the friendly person I am, I have met so many new people. Granted, I have been frustrated that friendships haven't completely blossomed for the most part. But, I give it time-- and that time is called hope, a fancier name for patience (and a happier one).
In the meantime, I've been learning from myself. From my family. From my Savior.
I've never spent so much time with myself as I do here at school, and that is just fine with me.
At times, it's hard sitting here alone when everyone is out getting plastered.
But like my good friends from The Format say, as I'm sure Miss Austen would have echoed:

"You know the night life is just not for me. Because all you really need are a few good friends." :)
I definitely have learned who those friends are. Near and far. Recent or aged. I've learned and will continue to learn and hope.

Trouble Sleeping.

It's you.
Why's it always you?
And never me.

And the four right chords can make me cry.

The movie La Vie en Rose, a biography about French singer Edith Piaf, gave me a new-found appreciation for the French. We always listened to French music when I was younger, mainly because my dad loved it. But also because, unlike a lot of useless American music that focuses on the superficial aspects of life; the French convey a message through their songs and a lesson that should be learned from their romantic and meditated lyrics.
Carla Bruni, the new First Lady of France, is my favorite french artist and her song Chanson Triste, which translates to mean "Sad Song", literally brings me to tears.
This is the translation of the lyrics, not as moving as if i understood French syntax I am sure.
But still, simple and heart-wrenching and full of what the city of Love is famous for.

Sad Song, Just for you

A little sad song, I believe

Three times, ruffled words.

Some notes, and all my regrets.

All my regrets of us two

Are at the end of my fingers

Like C D semi F

It is a song of faded love

Three times

Nothing of our lives

Three times

Nothing like this melody

What there remains of us two

Sung with the hollow of my voice

Like C, D semi F

It is a song.

It is a song with memories

Not to forget itself without anything to say

To forget itself without anything to say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h32j42BdKaQ&feature=related