Under the folding branches.

There I knew you once, didn't I?
And the sound of that music travelled
to me from that orphan sky
and pulled it all in my vault

Love hide me away
deep in this town and canopy of snow
Go, spin me around under the folding branches
Now, is not too late,
heaven can wait another year or so

Thought I loved you once, didn’t I?
But I wanted the fame, didn’t I?
Thought it broke your heart, didn’t I?
But that face in the dark wasn’t mine

This song by the Veils is so beautiful and nostalgic. It's about remembering a feeling-- maybe because a place holds a memory, more vivid than any picture in your mind. It's about seeing that person, they may have known each other so well that their souls aligned but then: no longer. It's weird how you can know every part of a person and then time passes by and not even know who their friends are or how their family is doing.
Being back in that moment, he recalls the music because he's saved it in his heart. Like a treasure or precious memory that can never be erased. It's that special song, no matter where you are or what you're doing- you think of that person. It's like a weird deja vu feeling of loving and losing. Of believing and betrayal. How you can have so much hope in a person and then realize you've put it in an illusion you can't even feel anymore.
But you did once- and that feeling, though dead, can come alive again. Like some hidden vault inside your heart. The memories, locked there safely and the more time that goes by the less you remember. Less reminds you of the moments.
Then he is back. Under the folding branches. it's like forgetting and remembering all again. Scenes of love flooding your mind and being swept back up into the wind.
The moment is over. but sometimes he wishes God can bring it back to you. When he's there, under the folding branches, he knows the feelings about to fade. he knows he wants it back and wishes he stayed. Wishes he tried. Wishes the branches wouldn't fold on the love he can barely remember any longer.
Then the truth:
He wasn't sure. He thought he loved-- but was never sure. Wanted the fame of love but never the real and true love. And now he's caught in a feeling. But love's not a feeling, and people they move on. and if all he really wanted was the idea, then it was never home to him.
And he didn't deserve it anyway-- all he deserves is to sit under the branches and try to remember the feeling, that will vanish and leave him empty and alone.
Because the feeling fades. But the hope remains.

A love type thing, A sure type thing.

"That can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love."

I don't usually learn a life lesson based on anything Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen do, but this line from It Takes Two has really taught me something about myself and opened my eyes to the importance of expectations and not giving up on Love.

I have to admit, I'm not a baseball person. The thought of there being 9 segments of play-time in one game kind of freaks me out in itself, let alone the mere fact that 50-year-old, balding, beer-bellying men are able to participate in this "sport" is beyond me. So I guess it should flow naturally that I've never experienced that world-series love feeling. Trust me, I've had my fair share of guys striking out and fouling ball-ing in my past. And definitely a few tobacco-chewing jerks leaving a bad taste in my mouth-- not the best analogy, but the thought of tobacco does evoke certain un-friendly emotions haha :)

I guess it's safe to say no home-runs in this outfield. Only half-love, kind of like, "have feelings for" boys playing with my emotions, not man enough to hit the ball, bite the bullet and commit to something that could be extraordinary. A whole bunch of nothings, strung into something that looking back, sometimes I regret starting at all.

But then again, I don't. Because as cliche as it sounds, when I do experience the Over the fence kind of love, I'll know it's real and something worth hanging onto. The Can't eat, can't sleep feeling will be a good and true thing that I have been waiting for-- instead of a sinking feeling in my stomach over another un-worthy batter... not willing to put it all out on the line.

So until then, I'll let the Big Umpire upstairs guide my life and guard my heart as I watch this game unfold. Minus the peanuts and Cracker Jack-- Bring on the Dodger Dogs!-- And give some to my friends Mary-Kate and Ashley. They taught me about love and I will enlighten them about a little thing I like to call FOOD.