In my place.

"'You are in a melancholy humour and fancy that anyone unlike yourself must be happy. But remember that the pain of parting from friends will be felt by everybody at times, whatever be their education or state. Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience; or give it a more fascinating name: call it hope.'"- Marianne Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility.

Oh Jane, why must you be so insightful in all things pertaining to my life?
This year can be summarized by this statement. It was definitely hard. And for some reason, it's so much easier to remember the hard times than the truly great times that I did have.
I definitely felt like everyone but myself was happy.
I definitely felt a deep pain from parting from friends. Some, I knew would always be there for me, no matter what, even if we don't keep in touch as often as we'd like. I know those few will always be my friends and that our friendship can pick up right where it was started.
Other friendships really did suffer from me being here. And it hurts, especially when those you've invested and spent so much time building on during the past four, five, or eight years and it seems just, gone.
USC is not really a thousand miles away-- it's about 20 minutes with no traffic (taking the Fig shortcut). And yet, some friendships from home just died and sometimes I wonder why and even though I really try to continue the friendsihps and call whenever I'm home. It's as if some people have "just parted". Not because of distance in miles, but distance in heart.
Even though this caused me pain, I have learned my own happiness.
Being the friendly person I am, I have met so many new people. Granted, I have been frustrated that friendships haven't completely blossomed for the most part. But, I give it time-- and that time is called hope, a fancier name for patience (and a happier one).
In the meantime, I've been learning from myself. From my family. From my Savior.
I've never spent so much time with myself as I do here at school, and that is just fine with me.
At times, it's hard sitting here alone when everyone is out getting plastered.
But like my good friends from The Format say, as I'm sure Miss Austen would have echoed:

"You know the night life is just not for me. Because all you really need are a few good friends." :)
I definitely have learned who those friends are. Near and far. Recent or aged. I've learned and will continue to learn and hope.

Trouble Sleeping.

It's you.
Why's it always you?
And never me.